Dear you,
If you’re here, chances are you’re a young person who’s looking for support in exploring gender and/or coming out to your family. We’re here to help.
The first thing we want you to know is that if you are trans, non-binary, gender diverse, or have questions about gender, then this is the place for you! We believe in you and we want to support you.
Our mission is to make sure that young people have safe and supportive spaces to explore gender identity and gender expression. One way we do this is by creating resources and groups to help parents and families become stronger allies. The other way is by creating resources and programs for young people like you.
We’ve worked with hundreds of trans and gender questioning young people, and each one of them has been amazingly creative, resilient, and courageous (though a lot of them didn’t see themselves that way at the time). We’re not here to tell you what to do or who you are, we’re here to support you in finding your own amazing qualities and to learn more about yourself.
Gender exploration (or going on a “gender journey”) can be an incredible experience. It can also be hard and confusing, particularly if your family or community are struggling with it. We want you to know that trans and gender diverse people come from a beautiful history and are capable of living happy and meaningful lives.
We also want you to know that lots of people explore gender and transition and decide that they’re happy with the gender they were assigned at birth. This is also a courageous and awesome decision.
Wherever your gender journey takes you, we want you to know that you have always been enough.
Key things you need to know
Gender exploration is normal & healthy
It is completely okay to change and experiment with the way you identify and express yourself in terms of gender. Though of course not everyone is trans, every human being will experience some kind of change in the way they feel about and present their gender over the course of their lives. You and only you are the expert in yourself.
Gender Discrimination Is Real
Unfortunately, trans and gender diverse people have historically had to fight for their rights in society. Today, discriminatory attitudes towards gender diversity still exist. It’s not okay for anyone to treat you badly or exclude you because of your gender identity or expression.
Gender Liberation Is A Right
Everyone deserves to be able to explore and express their gender in the way that feels right for them - and the right to participate fully in society without feeling threatened or shamed by others. In some countries, provinces, and states, this right is a part of the law.
Everyone deserves support (yes, including you)
Everyone deserves to be able to explore and express their gender in the way that feels right for them - and the right to participate fully in society without feeling threatened or shamed by others. In some countries, provinces, and states, this right is a part of the law.
Medical Transition Is One Possibility of Many
Society has a lot of feelings about medical transition (gender affirming hormones and surgery). Maybe you do too. The most important thing to know is that medical transition is one possibility of many - you shouldn’t feel forced to transition medically if you don’t want to, you shouldn’t be prevented from transitioning medically if you need to, and it’s okay not to be sure of what you want or need right now. Some medical transition treatments are reversible and others are permanent, so it’s important to be well informed. If you do choose medical transition, you deserve to receive affirming healthcare from professionals you trust.
You’re Allowed To Change Your Mind
There’s a myth out there that gender exploring folks need to be “one hundred percent certain” that they’re really trans before changing their gender presentation. Let’s be real, it’s hard to be “one hundred percent certain” about any major life decision. It’s okay for your gender identity to shift and evolve over time. It’s okay to identify as trans for a while and then stop identifying that way later. You get to explore and decide what’s right for you at each stage of your life.
If you have started medically transitioning and then change your mind, it is usually possible to stop or cancel treatments that are in process with the supervision of a trusted healthcare professional. Some physical changes may be irreversible, however. Talk to your doctor or other healthcare provider to learn more.
Trans And Gender Diverse People Are Very Lovable
Sometimes people worry that they won’t be able to date, find partners, or get into relationships if they are gender nonconforming. This is not true! Trans and gender diverse people date, fall in love, and have relationships all the time. Sometimes it’s great and sometimes it’s hard - and that’s true for everyone on the planet.
The Future Can Be Fabulous
Trans and gender diverse people have existed for all of human history, and while discrimination is a real thing, there are still examples of amazing trans folks who have had incredible careers and even changed the world. Trans people have been inventors, artists, movie directors, models, doctors, and more. Wherever you go on your gender journey, you can still pursue your life goals and dreams.
Self-Love Is Your Superpower
Like any great journey, your gender journey might be stressful, but it can also be a time of growth and self-discovery. Wherever you go, whomever you become - thanks for being you.
How do I talk to my caregiver about my gender?
Talking to your parent(s) or guardian(s) about gender can be difficult, easy, wonderful, painful, or anything in between depending on the relationship that you have with them and on how they feel about gender diversity and exploration. The most important thing is that you feel safe and supported by the adults who care for you. Although every family is different, here are some tips that we hope you’ll find helpful.
When is the right time to “come out”?
You get to decide when it’s the right time to tell your family and community that you’re gender questioning or trans. Something to consider is that your parents or caregivers may really want to know about the big things in your life, and they may be able to support you in important ways. If you want to tell them, but you’re really nervous, sometimes you can get help from a counselor, teacher, or other safe adult to have the conversation.
How do I tell them?
Finding the right words and the right way to share your gender experience with your family is a deeply personal and unique process. We encourage you to tell your family in whatever way makes you feel most comfortable and understood. Some young people we’ve worked with have had sit-down conversations, but others have written letters or emails, or even made PowerPoint presentations.
What if I change my mind?
It’s one hundred percent okay to change your mind, or to have your gender continue to evolve over time. Everyone has the right to explore their gender, and everyone has the right to keep on shifting and changing throughout their life. It’s okay to try transitioning and then stop. It’s okay to transition multiple times. It’s okay to question your gender and never transition at all. The most important thing is that you are happy with who you are.
What if I’m worried about safety?
If you are worried that coming out as trans or gender questioning (to your parents or caregivers) will cause them to react in a way that threatens your safety, it’s important to focus on getting help before anything else. Talk to a trusted adult such as a teacher or counselor so they can support you to find the resources you need.
Talking about body stuff with my parents is too awkward
Talking about body stuff can definitely be challenging, especially if you have complicated feelings about your body. Remember that you don’t have to talk about everything all at once - you can have the conversation at your own pace , when you’re ready. You can also ask your parents to respect your boundaries and not try to force a conversation you’re not ready for. It is their responsibility to create a safe (or safe enough) space for you to have these kinds of conversations.
My family keeps getting my name/pronouns wrong
It can be painful when parents or caregivers get your name and/or pronouns wrong. If it feels okay, try gently reminding them when they make a mistake. If it’s been a while and the mistakes keep happening, you might try letting them know how it makes you feel by describing the emotions - what goes through your mind when you hear them use the wrong name or pronoun? What is that like for you?
What if they don’t understand?
In our experience, most parents/caregivers want to protect and support their kids even if they don’t always know how. Parents and caregivers have fears and worries of their own, and sometimes these fears and worries get between them and understanding the young people they love.
This is a complicated part of being in a family, and we know it can be hard. The important thing to remember is that this is your gender journey and no one else’s, and with time (and hopefully some outside help), your parents will strive to get better and better at understanding you.
Join a group
If you’d like to join a FIT Youth Group, check out the links below!
“I have absolutely loved being able to talk to other trans kids my age, it has been a very welcoming and validating experience.”
— Z. F., FIT youth alumnus
